Instead of listening to my tears hit the bathroom sink another day, I decided to write down the lessons I’ve learned after loss – or while waiting for the baby that I didn’t conceive:
The world doesn’t stop because my period started, and that’s ok…because if it did, I wouldn’t be forced to get moving, get living again. And sometimes, I need to be.
I am not defined by the pregnancy that didn’t happen – not the ones I’ve lost, and not the ones I didn’t have. This experience has shaped me and shown me that there is so much more to… me.
My pain has connected me to others who have been through similar pain, and I am grateful for those connections, which I owe to that pain.
The waiting has taught me a lot about patience – which was never a part of my make-up. But patience can be an invaluable tool – which I should use to build endurance and strength (which are also invaluable tools on this journey).
The pain of loss, the period at the end of the month – these aren’t my destinations. But they are my transportation, taking me to another level where I’ll learn more about myself and about how much I am actually able to survive – and grow.
Real pain often takes us to a dark place. In the hurt, we lose sight of the fact that great things happen in the dark: it’s where seeds grow and every garden begins.
God is real. His love is real. His plans for me are perfect, and I give him glory because though I can’t see it yet, this story is already written. And the ending is beautiful.
Through my pain, I have become more deeply connected with God, Who has taught me so much about His love. And His presence is never more comforting that it is when I’m in pain.
Pain has purpose – it can be cleansing: helping us to face past hurts/unresolved issues and toss out the things that don’t matter. It can be edifying: helping us to see things we never noticed before, to appreciate what we have instead of focusing on what we’ve lost. And it can be fortifying: strengthening us to face the next test, and giving us the weapons we need to help someone else fight their battle – which may be the most important purpose of all.
TS – May 24th, 2014.